


Untitled

by JaylatheCerealKiller



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A smidge of KuroKen, Bokuto regrets so many things, If you squint that is - Freeform, M/M, iwaoi is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 21:16:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4195203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaylatheCerealKiller/pseuds/JaylatheCerealKiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koutarou would never be able to eat with Oikawa again without being reminded of the noise Oikawa made when he was about to come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to one of my friends about [this Vine](http://aloeviera.tumblr.com/post/122214716226) and stuff happened.  
> For the umpteenth time today: RIP BOKUTO

It was at 9:54 on a Friday when Koutarou collapsed on to the table with a loud groan of: "I'm dead." 

"What a nice way to start off today," Kuroo remarked from across from him. He sounded way too cheerful this morning. "You want some coffee?" 

"Please!" 

"Then get it yourself." 

Koutarou stuck up his head to glare at his friend, who was smirking at him through his thick fringe. He had stayed up late that night, dammit! Couldn't he catch a break? 

No amount of glaring would get Kuroo to move. Koutarou had no choice but to give up. Growling, he managed to drag himself out the chair while throwing Kuroo an obscene gesture. It was just the start of the day, and things were already going downhill. Stupid Kuroo and his stupid hair. Stupid Oikawa and his stupid screeching Korean dramas. Stupid coffeeshop and it's stupid-- 

Koutarou's mind went blank when he stomped up to the counter. (No, not because all his remaining brain cells had finally died  _ha ha ha very funny, Oikawa_ ) 

This was someone he had never seen before at Hoot's Coffee. He was familiar with the bouncing Hinata and the scary Kageyama, but this man in front of him was an angel.

That hair! It looked soft enough to pet! Those eyes! So elegant and wise! That skin! Almost smooth enough to be a doll's! 

Koutarou was so enthralled by the beauty in front of him, he completely missed what he had said. "Sir?" The Adonis asked (That voice! Like silk and velvet or maybe satin or some fancy shit like that). "What are you ordering?" 

"Uhhh..." Koutarou droned in a very attractive way  _thankyouverymuch_. "I'll have a...cinnamon latte, uh," He bore a hole into the boy's uniform, looking for a name plate. Ah! There it was! Right on his perfect chest. "Akaashi...?" The barista’s blank stare told him nothing. Fuck! What if he got it wrong? 

Akaashi stared at him for a moment. Koutarou felt his face burning. Crap, did he have drool on his face? Did he forget to blink? Oh, no, he was forgetting to breathe. 

Just before Koutarou managed to give himself a panic attack, the cashier sighed and typed something into the register. "That'll be three dollars for a...cinnamon latte." There was a mild tone of disgust in that honey-like voice. 

Koutarou felt himself deflate. The cinnamon latte was his favorite. He had been ordering it since his first time there. And now his future boyfriend was disappointed in him. Koutarou was now going to live forever alone. 

Dejectedly, Koutarou handed over some crumpled bills to Akaashi, who took them without another word. Koutarou just stared down as the machines whirred and rattled. A gentle hand slid the finished latte over to Koutarou, who took it with an almost-snatch. 

Their fingers brushed. 

Koutarou's head popped up at the sudden contact, cheeks beginning to color. He met Akaashi's eyes, and he felt the world stand still. It was just their warm fingers touching. 

And then Akaashi smiled. 

Fuck. Koutarou knew he was done for when the smile literally stopped his heart. He was a second away from needing someone to call the ambulance. This was how he was going to die: in the presence of the most lovely angel. 

Yet, somehow, he made it back to his seat in one piece. He sipped his latte thoughtfully, completely oblivious to the burn. It wasn't until Kuroo spoke up that Koutarou finally snapped out of his trance. 

"Earth to Bokuto? Hello?" Kuroo snapped a finger in his face. "Yo? You with me?" 

"What?" Koutarou jumped. "Yeah? Uh huh?" 

Kuroo snorted and took a sip of his own drink. Then he set it down and smirked. "Oh ho ho~ Isn't the new barista cute?" 

"Uhhh..." Cute didn't even begin to cover it.

"Did you get his number?" Kuroo raised his brow.

"Uhhh..." Getting Akaashi's number had been the last thing on Koutarou's mind. He had mostly been trying to remember what words were. 

Kuroo let out another snort. "Bro, how long has it been? Your game is getting weak." 

Koutarou finally recovered. "Says you of all people. I've seen you around Kenma. You're totally whipped." 

"You're just jealous that you haven't been getting any," And like a child, Kuroo stuck out his tongue. “You’re getting old.” 

Koutarou almost blurted out a more childish "Nuh uh", but he held his tongue. Kuroo had a point. Sure, Koutarou had been busy recently, studying for his classes in university and playing for the volleyball team. He had finally found people to split the cost of an apartment with him and things were looking up. But his roommates were another problem. 

In all honesty, Iwaizumi Hajime wasn't terrible at all. He kept his room clean, made sure groceries were done, and even fixed anything that was broken. He didn't have wild one night stands and was easy to get along with. Iwaizumi was totally responsible and reliable. He was possibly one of the best roommates to have. The problem was the other guy.

Oikawa Tooru, on the other hand, was real troublesome. He almost never cleaned up after himself, leaving clothes and books scattered everywhere. He had almost burnt down the building once by trying to cook an egg, but was only saved by Iwaizumi dumping water over the pan. Oikawa was a total social butterfly who talked constantly on the phone yet somehow threw barbs in the most obnoxiously friendly voice. He was a real headache. Koutarou couldn't compute how in hell Iwaizumi was best friends with that idiot. Nobody could get anything done with Oikawa in the house, especially Koutarou’s hyper-active self. 

It was with those thoughts that Koutarou's mood immediately darkened. "I hate you." 

Kuroo blinked. "Whoa, looks like Mr. Grumpypants is back." He settled back into his chair and spread his arms in a way that was probably meant to look like a wise old sage. He just looked like he was carrying an invisible box. "Tell me your woes, young traveler." 

Koutarou gripped his drink in frustration. "It's stupid Oikawa. He's the worst roommate ever." 

"Are you sure you can't get used to it?" 

"Maybe, at first." Koutarou made a face. "But things keep getting worse. I couldn't sleep last night because he was watching this really loud K-Drama! I think someone was having a kid or someone was cheating on someone,” (Why couldn’t Oikawa be normal and watch Japanese dramas?) “Whatever it was, it was way too loud! Like he had the volume turned up all the way! In the middle of the night!" 

"Couldn't you just tell him to keep it down?" 

"I would if I could! There's no way he could hear me yelling, and his door was locked!" 

"Ah." Kuroo nodded with understanding. "Kenma used to do that when he was mad." 

Koutarou dismissed the dreamy look on his best friend’s face. "And you know what? Thanks to that, I woke up late this morning! I was a fucking mess, man. And Oikawa was in the bathroom for an entire hour!" 

Kuroo whistled. "Damn. Pretty Boy's got some issues. Guess not everyone can get up with perfect hair." 

In a perfect world, Kuroo would have perfect hair, but here, Koutarou wasn't sure if that ray's nest of fringe could count as anything other than messy. He just was too fired up about his annoying roommate to take time to care. "Yeah, and he gets mad when I tell him to hurry up! There's mirror in his room, for fuck's sake! He'd find it if he cleaned up for once!" 

"That's it!" Kuroo slapped the table. Everyone, including Akaashi, stared at them, startled. "A bro cannot watch another bro suffer like this!" 

Koutarou flushed red when he noticed Akaashi looking at them. Oh, he didn't need to embarrass himself even more. "Dude, not here." 

"Man up! Grow a pair!" Kuroo chanted in a louder voice. "You're gonna get your revenge!" 

"Revenge?" Even Koutarou had to admit he perked up at that. 

"Yes! The most manly thing you can do! It's like karma, but better. That Oikawa deserves some hell!" 

"Yeah!" Koutarou couldn't help but get excited now. Nothing fired him up like watching his tormentor get what was coming for him. "For my sleep!" 

"That's the spirit!" 

"And my sanity!" 

"And for you to finally get laid!" 

"Yeah!...wait, what?" 

* * *

 

In the end, Koutarou didn’t get Akaashi’s number. He became way too caught up in Kuroo’s ramblings on how to exact revenge on idiots who were obsessed with aliens. (But when Koutarou though back on it, Akaashi made a mean latte)

So the plan was to film Koutarou scaring Oikawa and post it online so his fans would all see how uncool their idol was. An easy and painless plan, but Koutarou’s blood was boiling with excitement. Oikawa had disappeared to a party a few hours ago, dragging a barely-willing Iwaizumi with him. Koutarou had given Iwaizumi a sympathy nod, but he was going to get revenge for the both of them. Iwaizumi could handle Oikawa for a few hours. After all, Iwaizumi had known Oikawa for years. Tolerance for a person with a horrible personality was a thing, right?

Koutarou was crouching behind a couch in Oikawa's room, hidden by a mountain of clothes. "Scare cam~" Koutarou winked at his phone camera before sliding on his monster mask ('borrowed' from Tsukishima. God knew what he used it for).

Sort of bad planning on his part, but Koutarou waited patiently (read: while draining his phone battery and staring at the complete disorder of Oikawa’s room and maybe thinking about what he could say to Akaashi tomorrow) for his roommates to get home. He had just released an attack on Kuroo's clan (fucking try to steal from me again, you scrub) when he heard the door slamming open, then closed. 

Resisting the urge to start humming the theme from  _Mission Impossible_ , Koutarou switched on his camera and stayed stealthily still. "Go time." He couldn't help but whisper. 

Oikawa stumbled into the room, dragging someone else with him. A wrinkle in the plans, but something was going to stop Koutarou on his mission, sexually-frustrated roommate be damned. He readied himself to jump out. And then he caught the face of Oikawa's partner. 

It was Iwaizumi. 

Koutarou froze. Maybe Oikawa was just drunk and Iwaizumi was trying to put him in bed. Maybe Oikawa wanted to show Iwaizumi that creepy alien poster that Koutarou had been staring at for hours, trying to read the English at the bottom. Maybe--

Then Iwaizumi was pushing Oikawa into bed, shucking off his shirt with a scarily practiced motion. Oikawa reached up to pull Iwaizumi with him, their lips meeting in a hurry. They were kissing with a ferocity and  _oh god there was tongue and their pants looked really tight oh shit oh shit._

Koutarou sank behind the couch, eyes wide and trembling. He could hear the smacks and moans and he really wanted to knock himself out. He couldn't just jump out now, with his roommates getting hot and heavy right there behind him. This was in no way going the way he had planned it. 

Hands shaking, he shut off the camera and texted Kuroo. 

11:56 PM   
_OH GOD OH GOD_

11:58 PM   
SHIT IS OIKAWA AFTER YOU

12:01 AM  
_PLAN IS NOT GOING AS EXPECTED_

"Iwa-chan...ah!" Oh, no. That wasn't good. 

"You're so fucking sexy, Oikawa." Iwaizumi grunted in a low voice that would have been very hot if Koutarou wasn't overhearing this and scared for his life. 

12:02 AM  
_THEY'RE HAVING SEX_

12:04 AM  
WAIT WHOS HAVING SEX 

12:07 AM   
_IWAIZUMI AND OIKAWA_

12:10 AM   
HAHA I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

12:10 AM   
Fuck I owe Kenma $30

12:11 AM   
_WTF YOU MADE BETS_

12:11 AM   
_I WILL KILL YOU_

There was a clicking noise that Koutarou knew well enough was the sound of a lube bottle. "Iwa-chan, please!" 

"Then beg for it." 

Oikawa gasped, a high note in his voice that Koutarou never ever wanted to hear. "Iwa-ch--ah! I need you!" 

"What do you want me to do?" Over hearing this was so fucked up. 

"Iwa-chan, nngh." Oikawa let out another moan. "Fuck me, Hajime!" 

Nope nope  _nope_. Koutarou contemplated throwing himself out the window. The only problem was that it was in plain view from the bed, and he  _really_  did not want to disturb them. He had miraculously stayed this long seeing neither Oikawa nor Iwaizumi's junk and he was not going to change that.

12:13 AM   
Wait whos bottoming

12:14 AM   
_Fuck you_

12:15 AM   
_It's Oikawa_

12:16 AM  
KNEW IT

12:17 AM   
_DUDE JUST HELP ME_

12:20 AM   
Nah man

12:20 AM   
Kenma's not feeling too good and I can't just abandon him 

How much longer were they going to take? Sure the libido was admirable, but Koutarou really needed to get out of there. It was just grunts and cries and slapping skin and he was going to cry. If he ever got out of here, he would cherish every moment of his life. 

12:23 AM   
_We're not friends anymore_

12:24 AM   
You wish 

12:24 AM   
Are they done yet? 

12:25 AM  
It's been like half an hour 

12:25 AM   
Are they even close to being finished

12:27 AM   
_Idk man_

12:27 AM   
_I'm just trying TO BLOCK THIS SHIT OUT_

12:28 AM  
How often do you think they do this 

12:28 AM   
Must be pretty often if they have this much stamina 

12:29 AM   
Maybe Viagra

Koutarou shut off his phone, completely and utterly done with his best friend. He prayed to some kind deity in the heavens for this to end soon, dammit and  _hey maybe it’d be nice if I got Akaashi’s number for compensation, you know?_ The final step was for him to curl up into a ball, trying not to remember what Oikawa and Iwaizumi sounded like when they came. 

* * *

 

Miracle of all miracles, Koutarou managed to escape out of the room after Iwaizumi and Oikawa fell asleep. After deleting the videio for the sake of his own sanity, he took an hour long shower (most of it was standing there, watching the water go down the drain) and climbed into his own bed to not sleep at all.

When Iwaizumi got up that morning to get cereal, Koutarou tried not to look at the scratches that ran down his back when his shirt lifted. 

* * *

 

"Iwa-chan, you're so rude! Give me back my phone! Please! I'm begging you!"

Koutarou slammed the door to his room shut as hard as he could and returned to blaring "Shake It Off". 

* * *

 

"It's so hot here." Iwaizumi muttered. Their air conditioner had broken sometime ago. 

Oikawa whined in agreement, a high pitched noise. 

Koutarou simply removed himself from the table to go clean his room for the fourth time that week. 

* * *

 

A week later, Koutarou received a text from Kenma. 

4:08 PM   
**0120958145**

4:08 PM   
**Akaashi wanted me to give you his number**

There was a god after all. Koutarou immediately fired off a text to Akaashi asking if he was interested in seeing a movie on Friday. 

If Koutarou was lucky, he would have a new place to live. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Here](http://albenedetto.tumblr.com/post/122291899598/untitled) on tumblr


End file.
